(from Chapter 7)
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I woke up a few nights later in the middle of the night. I looked out the window, and the harvest moon was huge. I had had a dream about Wilson. I didn't remember what it was about, but it was intense. I knew we were meant to be together. I'd made my decision, and I couldn't wait until morning to tell him. I looked around me carefully as I made my way outside. Byron was conveniently away. No one seemed to be around. I opened the stable door and closed it quietly behind me. I whispered Wilson's name, and eventually something stirred in the loft. He smiled when he realized it was me. He helped me up the ladder. "What are you doing here?" he asked. I picked a piece of straw out of his hair and took his hands in mine. "I made up my mind," I said. "I'm going with you." He hugged me against him so hard I felt like my ribs were going to crack. "I'm sorry," he said. "You've just made me so happy." We sat in the loft and made our plans. "You can say your aunt up north is sick if we get stopped," he said excitedly. "I just have to get some papers forged for the trip. That's going to be the hard part." I was amazed at how many details there were to work out. We had to start squirreling away enough food to last us for a month. We also had to have warm clothes and blankets. "It sounds nearly impossible," I said hopelessly. Wilson grabbed my chin. "Don't think like that. It's going to work. It has to. It's just going to be hard." "I should go now," I said after we'd sketched out the main details. "Don't go yet," he whispered. He deftly unbraided my hair, and I felt his lips caress the back of my neck. He kissed me like I belonged to him. Then we both heard something and froze. Surely we weren't going to get discovered again so soon. "What was that?" I whispered. "It sounded like footsteps outside," Wilson whispered back. "Did you check to see what Adam was doing before you came out here?" "No." We struggled to listen for more clues above our pounding hearts. I cringed as the stable door opened with a creak. I moved behind Wilson and lay as flat as I possibly could. Wilson hurriedly shoved mounds of hay on top of me. "Adam, what are you doing here, sir?" Wilson asked cheerfully. I felt like pounding my head into the floor when I heard it was Adam. All was lost. "I just came around to make sure all you negroes is in your beds," he said. His voice was slurred. He must have been drinking, I thought. "Everything's just fine here," Wilson said, faking a big yawn. "That's good," Adam replied after belching. "I could have sworn I saw somebody walking around out there. There's no one up there with you is there?" "No sir." In horror, I realized I was going to sneeze. When Wilson put the hay on me, it must have stirred up some dust because now my nose was full of pepper. I mashed my nostrils together with my hands and held my breath. The feeling seemed to go away, so I took a breath I desperately needed. Before I could control it, a small snorting sneeze came out. Adam must have turned to leave because his voice was farther away. I heard him stop. "What was that?" "That was me," Wilson said. "I must be getting a cold." "We'll just see about that," Adam said with slurred words. I sensed his heavy weight on the ladder and that he was having a hard time getting up. Then I felt him pinch my arm so hard that I had no choice but to cry out. He roughly swept the hay away from my face. "Olivia! Did he force himself on you?" "No," I said quickly. "I came here willingly. We're just talking." Adam braced himself on the ladder so he wouldn't fall. "Just talking, eh? In this dark loft in the middle of the night? I always knew you were nothing more than a harlot," he told me. "Come down here right now, Wilson." Wilson hesitated and then followed Adam down the ladder. I watched helplessly as Adam proceeded to beat Wilson up. "Who do you think you are, cavorting with the master's wife?" Wilson only defended himself. He didn't dare fight back against Adam. Luckily, Adam's inebriation made him easy to elude. "Stop it," I yelled, but no one listened. I came down the ladder and realized I looked a total mess. My hair was all askew, and I had pieces of hay all over me. I wished I'd never come out to the stables tonight. Then Adam leaned against the wall and laughed. Wilson and I watched him warily as if he were a snake that could strike at any moment. Pieces of dust, stirred up from the scuffle, meandered through the air. "Mr. High and Mighty has no idea that his wife is out here with one of his slaves. This is really something." "Are you going to tell him?" I asked as I stood there and faced him. Adam smiled a sick, evil smile as he looked at both of us. All we could do was wait for his answer. "No," he finally said. "I don't believe I will. I just thought of something much, much better." Then he laughed and staggered outside. I went to the window and watched him walk away toward his own cabin. Then my whole body crumpled so that I could barely stand up. "Oh, Wilson," I said tearfully. "What are we going to do now?" He stood there in the moonlight. His bottom lip was cracked and bleeding. I tried to wipe it away with my fingers, but it kept bleeding. My hands shook. "I should never have come here tonight," I said. "I shouldn't have come at all." I was talking to myself more than Wilson. "Every time I'm with you," I went on, "the more I endanger your life. It may already be too late." "He promised he wouldn't say anything," Wilson said weakly. "I don't know why, but he promised. And he was drunk. Chances are he won't even remember any of this tomorrow." "No, Wilson," I said, wringing my hands. "This has gone too far. We have to stop. It's too dangerous. I don't want your blood on my hands." I meant that I didn't want to be responsible for his death, but as I looked down at my wet, dark fingers, I realized the irony of what I'd said. At that moment, I wanted to hold him more than life itself, but I couldn't. All I could do was stand a few feet away from him in the dark, on the cool, dirt floor and see all my ravaged emotions mirrored in his eyes. "Wilson, we can't see each other any more," I said and turned to go. Wilson reached out and grabbed my shoulder, forcing me to look at him. "Olivia, please, don't do this." His voice cracked when he said my name. Blood still trickled from his lip, but he seemed oblivious to it. He was crying now, and so was I. Then I took a deep breath, shrugged off his hand, and walked outside. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew I was right. I did it because I loved him, and I wanted him to live, even if it was without me. |